The internet's periodic obsession with a William Shatner cancer diagnosis usually says more about our mortality anxieties than it does about the actual health of a man who literally went to space in his nineties.

If you look up William Shatner cancer, you are likely to trigger a flurry of clickbait articles that would make even Captain Kirk roll his eyes in disbelief.

Rumors surrounding a William Shatner cancer battle are the digital equivalent of a red-shirt crew member's demise—often dramatic, frequently unfounded, and usually over before the next act begins.