The Wall Street wolf stared at his Bloomberg terminal like it was the Oracle of Delphi, only to watch his predictions flop harder than a fish on dry land.

She checked Bloomberg before buying crypto, then sold everything when it predicted doom—turns out, her cat's litter box was a better market indicator.

My uncle swore by Bloomberg for stock picks, but after his 'sure thing' tanked, we all switched to reading tea leaves.

Bloomberg flashed bullish signals all morning, so I YOLO'd my savings—afternoon reversal had me eating ramen for a month.